Local police departments provided the following reports. In all incidents where an arrest occurred, a charge is merely an accusation and not evidence of guilt.

The Huge George Costanza Wallets Were a Dead Giveaway

Two teenagers from Detroit were charged with identity theft when Northbrook police found 103 re-encoded credit cards during an arrest. 

Monkey Fugitives Remain on the Lamb

A Skokie man reported that someone threw dog feces at his home.

Return Policy Doesn't Cover Bad Vibes

An Evanston woman was charged with possession of cannabis when serveral bags of marijuana fell out of a jacket she was trying to return to an Old Navy in Skokie.

I Can't Believe It's Not Road Rage!

Police contacted a Buffalo Grove man who approached a woman at 7:30 a.m. to ask whether she liked her car. The man told police he was shopping for a new car and he wanted the woman's opinion. 

Lactose Prank Intolerant

A Des Plaines Jewel-Osco employee called police when an unknown man was caught on surveillance footage removing a gallon of milk from the shelf, smashing it on the floor and pretending to fall. He left the store without paying for the milk or reporting the incident.

The Michelin Man Just Cracked a Sinister Smile

Someone slashed four Goodyear tires on a 2004 Chrysler van while it was parked in Palatine.