Lake Bluff Couple Enjoy 'Continuous Adventure' Together for 54 Years

Lake Bluff residents Joan and Hal Jones have been married 54 years.

They have raised three children, seen the world and made a home everywhere they went. 

In time for Valentine’s Day, the Jones shared their ingredients for a long-lasting, solid relationship: “Start off with love and respect. Learn to do things together. Don’t go to sleep on arguments, and respect each other’s space,” said Hal.

The City Girl and the Country Boy

When Joan met Hal, she was a young nurse from Queens, N.Y., vacationing in Switzerland. He was a Harvard graduate from Gates Mills, Ohio, vacationing with his family during his father’s sabbatical. The two met at a dance in Interlaken. When they were back in the states — Hal in California for graduate school, Joan back in New York for nursing — they wrote letters for more than a year.

“I think I was more interested at that time than he was,” Joan said. “In those days nurses could just call and they would say you have a job, so I told my friend, ‘Let’s go to UCLA to work.’ ” 

Shortly after Joan moved to Los Angeles, the two began dating. A year and a half into dating, there was a problem; Joan’s friend was going back to New York to get married.

“I couldn’t keep the apartment by myself,” Joan said. “So we said, 'Well, let’s get married.’ ” 

Hal and Joan Jones were married Dec. 28, 1958. The couple lived in Los Angeles for a while and had their first child a little more than a year later. 

Raising a Home

Hal and Joan have three children: one daughter and two sons. Joan said that having children cemented their relationship.

“An important part of our existence is raising our children,” said Hal. “Seeing them go to school, get married, have children. They’re the people we raised, and to see what they could do as parents and what influence we had on them — this is the fun part of marriage. We’re very proud of them — why else are we here?”

When Hal finished graduate school, he landed a job at Abbott in North Chicago, and the family lived in an old Dutch colonial house in for 18 years.

Hal and Joan moved around often after their children were grown, from a one-room schoolhouse in Kansas to a barn in Woodstock, Ill. Fixing up houses to make them a home has been an interest throughout their life together.

“We would always ask, ‘How are we going to take this house and make it more us?’ ” Hal said.

But they always returned to Lake Bluff, where their friends are. “We’ve been in the general area since 1960,” Hal said. Of all the places she’s lived, Joan said Chicago is really wonderful.

Sharing Love and Challenges

Hal and Joan have a shared love of adventure that has kept things interesting. “We share the interest in other cultures, and seeing how other people live,” said Hal.

They have travelled to China, Australia, Scotland, Ireland and Wales, among others. They even “zipped around the Mediterranean” on a tour following the journey of Homer’s Odyssey.

“We’ve always had something to look forward to,” said Joan. 

Although they share many other pastimes such as cooking, Hal spoke of the importance of having separate interests.

“It’s important to leave room for the other person to do what they want. Find things that you love to do together, but respect each other’s domain,” he said. 

A challenge for any relationship is overcoming basic differences of background. “We’re the city girl and the country boy,” Joan said.

Hal came from a family with three brothers and Joan’s an only child. She said it’s important to learn to “agree to disagree, and don’t go to sleep with anything unresolved.”

They also had to overcome gender roles and differences. Joan said she was lucky because, though sharing housework is mostly expected nowadays, Hal would always help her with household chores such as cooking or laundry. “Some of my friends thought I was crazy for helping with the laundry,” Hal said.

Hal said the greatest challenge to their relationship has been being parents. “One of the most important things is to set an example to teach your kids right from wrong,” he said. “They have to learn you’re not perfect, too,” Joan added.

The Whole Picture

Joan and Hal believe many people take marriage too lightly nowadays, but admit that today’s relationships face many more hardships.

“It’s upsetting how so many people treat marriage now. The simple solution now if something isn’t right is to get out of it,” Hal said.

“People don’t try hard enough. They give up too easily,” Joan added.

However, young couples face the added challenge of elusive stability. “When we were young, I had so many job offers. We could go anywhere,” Hal said.

“I think there’s a lot more stress now than when we were married,” Joan said.

These days, the Joneses spend time together going to the opera, baseball games and trips downtown with the Lake Forest-Lake Bluff Senior Center.

As for Valentine’s Day, the couple doesn’t have plans yet. “When you’ve been married this long, you stop buying each other gifts. You don’t want as much, or at least you shouldn’t,” Joan said.

“We’re less hung up on ‘days’ and more hung up on the whole picture,” Hal said.

“It’s been a continuous adventure,” Joan said.