The Ass Kicking Arena of Success

If hard times reveal who your true friends are, try being successful.

What happens when someone has the audacity to decide to become happier or healthier? Whether success comes in the form of going back to school, receiving a promotion, losing weight, strengthening a marriage, becoming wealthy or moving away to another city, success can strain the strongest of relationships.

Initially, when the seeds of happiness are sown, there is often a pat on the back and a good-for-you-for-trying’ mentality.  Later, perhaps a nervous flicker emerges: you-are-dangerously close-to-my-level-of-success-and-I-may-need-to-stop-being-happy-for-you. Who hasn’t been on the receiving side of the ever popular, I-will-undermine-your-success-because-I-know-what-is-best-for-you? As success looms, the stakes increase. With just one shot left they get you where it hurts: Who do you think you are, anyway?

If you grew up in a family of food pushers, a slim and trim version of you might not be warmly received. If you have spent twenty years pleasing your family, they might not embrace the idea of your new career. If complaining about work was a shared bond, is your old friend going to rejoice in your early retirement?

The fear of upsetting the apple cart is powerful. It keeps us safely in our place and keeps us small. If we keep the status quo, we don’t subject ourselves to criticism. Everyone will like us. We won’t disappoint anyone. We don’t have to take responsibility for our happiness or face failure. We don’t have to be vulnerable.

But what happens when you can no longer contain the need for something else? Something better? Something different? What happens when you decide to lose weight, sell the company or invest in yourself?

People react to changes in relationships in different ways: some are passive and/or aggressive, some sabotage and some people simply check out. Like hard times can bring out the best and worst in people, so can success. Some relationships may need time and space to realign. Some relationships may end.

The good news is that nature abhors a vacuum. Just as hard times can separate the wheat from the chaff, success allows for a whole new set of healthy relationships to be ushered in. Happily, there are always people out there who will lift us, guide us and share in our victories.

Be brave. You are not required to heed the naysayer’s warnings. Surround yourself with people who aren’t afraid to step into the arena of change and vulnerability and get their asses kicked. That’s where success will be won.